So….it has been just about 2 months since my “blogger cherry” was popped, and I must say, it is a lot more difficult than it looks to come up with anything worthy of writing about. And maybe I just need to relax and quit analyzing things and simply write!
I was relaying a story to a friend/co-worker of mine and I figured it might be the type of story that was worthy of being re-told in this forum. But, please realize, my friend and I can be easily amused at times, and you may or may not find this story nearly as entertaining as we found it to be this morning.
The conversation started with a topic that we probably find ourselves talking about the most often, and that is the topic of men and relationships. Sometimes we talk about our own, or lack-there-of, and sometimes we just like to talk about everyone else! But, more specifically we were talking about the chemistry between men and women and the fact that sometimes, even when everything else seems near perfect, if the chemistry is not there, it is just not there.
I had met a gentleman online a few years ago. He seemed nice enough; he had a decent job, his own place, his own vehicle, no outstanding warrants, paid his child support, etc. He was not extremely handsome, but he was not unattractive by any stretch of the imagination either. The conversation was good, he liked to talk, and he was also a good listener. He was affectionate, and not in the mushy clingy kind of way, but more in the “he’s-not-afraid-to-show-me-he-is-into-me” kind of way. And on top of all of these obviously good qualities, he was interested in “dating” me and not just “sexing” me.
Well, then I meet him in person, and even though there were not sparks or fireworks, I liked him. I enjoyed his company, and I wanted to give him a chance to win me over if he could (and he was a good kisser---BONUS!) But, the more we started to see each other and the more we started to talk, I realized that he had a major personality flaw that I rarely see in men. He was a “Debbie Downer”. And if any of you do not know what I am talking about, it is a reference to a sketch on SNL about a woman who has the ability to bring down the mood of an entire room with her bleak and bleary commentary. Now, this guy was not nearly as bad as her exaggerated character, but he was just turning out to be a bit too negative for my tastes. He was the type that would say hello to you online, and then immediately apologize in case he was “bothering you” or “interrupting you”. If I said I was bored, or that I had a headache, or that I did not feel well for some other reason, he would say something like, “If it was not so late, I would come over and help you remedy that.” And then he would quickly follow it up with, “LOL, Just Kidding!” He was overly apologetic and always too hard on himself. But, hey, he had all this other good stuff going for him, right? I am no spring chicken anymore, I can not afford to be so picky, right?
So, I continue to talk to him, and slowly things begin to progress. And then, one night, after we had been to dinner and a movie, we went back to my place and we were alone watching TV on the couch. And then, as the cliché goes, “One thing led to another”, and we were making out on the couch. It was good. I was feeling him, and he was obviously feeling me. So, when I could no longer stand it anymore, I asked him if he would like to come upstairs with me. He happily agreed and we headed to my room. Like most women before a sexual encounter, I immediately go to the bathroom to check myself out and to change into something more comfortable. How do I look? How is my breath? How are all my naughty parts? Once I have given myself a good once over, I head to the bedroom, where I think I am going to find this man at least partially unclothed. When I get there, he is under the covers, and he appears to have a t-shirt/undershirt on still. No biggie, right? So, I go over to my side of the bed and slip under the covers. I snuggle up to him and we resume our make-out session. As we are getting close, I realize that he still has on his socks and his underwear too. No biggie, right? Things quickly heat up again, and I make my move. I reach beneath the covers to grab “the prize”, and I am shocked to realize that this man is not only wearing his t-shirt and underwear to bed, but he has his t-shirt tightly tucked into his “tighty whities”. Come on now, what in the hell is that about??? This grown ass man was essentially wearing a “onesie”. (And for anyone reading this that has never had a baby or been around babies, a onesie is the one piece bodysuit/t-shirt that babies wear and it snaps between their legs for quick diaper changes.)
So, anyway, I will not go into the rest of the details about our “encounter”, but I will simply say this. Even though on paper this guy seems to be a great catch, and even though I am 31 now and wish that I could find Mr. Right, sometimes people just do not click. I had worried for a long time that maybe I was just being too picky. Maybe I was turning away the men that were available and pining after the ones that were not. But, then I just remind myself of this story, and I realize that no matter how lonely I get, I just can not get past certain things when it comes to relationships, and I should not have to settle just so that I can say I am not alone.
P.S. This story sure seemed a lot funnier when we were talking about it in my friend’s office, but I think that was simply because we could not stop picturing a grown man in a onesie!
